Cloth Diapers

About 2 weeks ago, I started researching cloth diapers. It was immediately after I discovered we were spending over $20/week on diapers. That's alot! It adds up fast! After hours and hours of research, I discovered (to my surprise) that CD'ing didn't seem so hard-breastfed babies don't even require their diapers to be pre-washed, as their stool is water-soluble: score! So I decided that the easiest way to go would be an All-In-One diaper. More expensive, yes, but easier. 
We went on the hunt the following day for cloth diapers. Sadly, they are terribly hard to find. The closest we got was gDiapers with disposable inserts. So it gave me a tiny taste of what CD'ing would be like, but not like I wanted. After using both (expensive!) gDiapers and still wanting to use cloth, I placed my order for 12 GroVia All-In-One Newborns and waited anxiously. I was determined that this was the way to go. My husband was not so convinced. He was angry at me for spending so much (the diapers were $161 and with the pail liner and travel bag I spent $184...I thought it was a good deal...). He also didn't want the hassle of cloth diapers and thought disposables weren't that expensive. Uh...does he not realize how fast we go through those suckers?! Probably not. He had only changed three diapers at that point and she was 6 weeks old...therefore I decided he had no say :D 
Now, however, I'm frustrated with my beloved diapers. I washed and dried them 5 times prior to the first use. But I don't think I got them completely dry between washings (Actually, I know I didn't get them completely dry...at all). They take a LONG time to dry! And each time I used them, K Jo had leaks out both legs and sometimes the top after only an hour! Talk about frustrating...

So after having a complete breakdown and almost admitting cloth diaper defeat, I have decided to RE-wash 5-6 times, drying COMPLETELY between each wash, and trying again. After some research, insufficient pre-washing/drying seemed to be a common problem. So I am currently on dry session #2...I'll keep you posted on how it goes after all these washes...hopefully better... I don't want to admit defeat to my always-right husband, but I also don't want to spend any more money on cloth-diapering if it's something that's always going to be a huge hassle. We'll see!

Breastfeeding

I knew from the very beginning that I wanted to breastfeed. Besides the fact that all the doctors, nurses, books, and programs make sure you are aware of the benefits, it is a HUGE moneysaver. Plus, you burn calories while breastfeeding! And I am all about getting off all that pregnancy weight. But what I wasn't aware of is just how HARD it was in the beginning.

As soon as Kaelyn was born she was on my chest, skin to skin, and stayed there for 2 hours. We tried breastfeeding, but she wasn't interested. The lactation consultant assured me this was normal, so I didn't worry. Later that afternoon she came by and Kaelyn was just too tired and still didn't seem interested. However, she did latch on for a few brief moments so I was able to figure out what it felt like and I thought I understood how to get her to latch. I continued to try all through the night and the next day, but K Jo just wasn't having it. She also wasn't fussy, so I wasn't too concerned. I finally got her to latch on for about 5 minutes that afternoon, but that was it. The next (and final) day at the hospital, the consultant came in before we left and once again Kaelyn latched on for about 10 minutes. It's a weird feeling, but it didn't hurt or anything so I thought "Ok, she's finally getting an appetite up, feeding at home won't be an issue". Wrong.
That night was the worst night we've had. It was obvious that Kaelyn was hungry, but she just wouldn't stay latched on. She would start sucking and let go. The three of us didn't get any sleep. And the frustration just made trying to breastfeed even harder. Friday I spiked a HIGH fever, but my milk finally came in. Somewhere between the frustration, sickness, and cuddling up sleeping, Kaelyn finally decided to latch on and actually eat. Success! But now one of my nipples was cracked open and raw, so feeding her on that side made me tear up. It was AWFUL. After it finally healed a few weeks later we haven't had any further issues with cracking, thank goodness.
It seems as if once K Jo started eating, she hasn't stopped! She would eat 24/7 if I let her. Thankfully she does sleep VERY well through the night. She has always only woken up once or twice during the night to eat. All I do is get her latched and fall back asleep. She falls asleep after a few minutes of sucking. Yes, my baby sleeps in the bed with me. I know they say not to do that, but that's the only way she will sleep. If I put her anywhere other than up against me, she immediately wakes up. Now she has even gotten used to holding onto my shirt when she falls asleep so that I can't move her away from me without waking her up. But I'm a light sleeper and I don't move when I sleep so I'm not worried. It's what works for us, and I've figured out that with raising a baby, you have to do what works for you and not stress about the little things. Eventually, she will sleep on her own. For now, I'm enjoying the cuddle time.
Back to eating all the time. Our move at 3 weeks old to IN from NC was anything but fun. We spent a whopping 21 hours in the truck when it usually takes 13. Between both Adam and I being exhausted and having to stop and let Chloe potty and having to change K Jo, it was awful. Let's just say that, eventually, we figured out that we just needed to let K Jo eat whenever she wanted. So I sat in the back and fed and Adam just kept pushing on. Again, not fun. At 4 weeks we started introducing a bottle (of course with breastmilk, no formula for this little one!). Not so successful. She choked on them and spit all the milk out the sides of her mouth. So I decided to wait a while longer on bottles. After all, I am a stay-at-home mommy now so I had plenty of time to work on bottle-training. She finally got the hang of the bottle between 5-6 weeks, but I only give it to her when we are going to be out of the house for a while where I can't breastfeed. I had been pumping since 3 weeks postpartum so I had a tiny supply built up. I decided I wanted to always keep at least 8, 6 oz bags frozen for when we needed it.
At about 6 weeks I discovered that Kaelyn was literally spending ALL DAY eating. She would fall asleep for maybe an hour, then she was right back at it. Nothing else could satisfy her. I then discovered that, when I gave her a bottle, she would take about 3 oz before she was full and would be satisfied for about 3 hours. Any more than 3 oz. and she would spit up profusely, and less and she was still hungry. However, when I pumped, I would only get about 1 oz of milk. I tried pumping an additional 10 minutes after she ate to increase production, but that didn't do anything. I then read about how to increase breastmilk supply using Brewer's yeast and Fenugreek, which is what my mother was told to do with Taylor. I started those supplements two days ago and (finally!) I can tell a difference. Now I feel much more full and she eats for a bit and then is satisfied for several hours. I can actually get things done during the day! Yay!
I plan on continuing breastfeeding as long as possible (no, not anything ridiculous like you hear those people who feed up to 4-5 years). I am so happy with all the money it has saved us and all the benefits our little princess gets from it. And while it can be MUCH less convenient than formula feeding, it's well worth it.

Labor/Delivery

5:23 am. Tuesday, May 3, 2011. I wake up to a contraction. No biggie, it's happened before, I roll back over and snooze a bit more. They keep coming for another 20 minutes...and they are all about a minute and a half to two minutes apart. Still, not abnormal. I'm not in the mood to be contracting all morning, so I get up to take a shower, leaning over to tell Adam "come check on me in 5 minutes"...I think he heard me but all I got was an annoyed grunt. O well. Usually a shower gets rid of contractions, but not this one. I got in and they just kept coming. 15 minutes later Adam opens the door and says "you ok?". "Yup, I'm fine, just in labor"..."huh?" Sure enough, I was in labor. And the contractions were coming ALOT faster than I thought they should and they kept getting stronger. I was scheduled to be induced the next day (hence why Adam got to come back to NC...I had called him Friday when they thought I was going to deliver late Friday early Saturday, so luckily he was able to make the 14 hour drive and be there for the experience), so I figured why not head in and make sure this isn't just false labor. I was still convinced it wasn't real labor since contractions hadn't started out far apart or easy.
When we got about 20 minutes down the road I started getting SUPER nauseous. I had been timing contractions and they were ALL less than 1 1/2 minutes apart. Oh boy... this is the real thing. So we get to the hospital around 8 am. I get up to the room and they hand me a gown. How in the world I was supposed to get that on while trying to keep from throwing up and contracting I have no idea. I gave it a good shot. But after three contractions and no progress with getting the gown on, I opened the door and gave adam a look. He came over and somehow figured out how that stupid thing went on. I'll never know how he did it, nor did I care. I got in the bed and waited for someone to come check and see if it was labor or not, but nobody came. After about 30 minutes, I sent Adam to go get someone and tell them I was getting sick and needed a trash can. A sweet little male nurse came in and while he was getting together my doggy bag, he apparently realized I was contracting pretty seriously, and he left the room. Immediately, a nurse came in and checked me, but all she said was "We'll go ahead and get you admitted, we are gonna be having a baby today"...um...ok...can't you give me more info than that? How far am I? Is something wrong? Did my water break and I didn't know it? But she was already out the door. Before I could even protest to Adam, at least 8 people walked in the door. 1 was hooking up an IV, 2 were asking me questions (most of which I could not answer between being sick and contracting, so I eventually managed to tell them it was OK for Adam to answer for me), others were bustling about the bassinet getting it ready, and the midwife was asking me what pain medication I wanted. Now, I had planned on trying to have a natural birth. But out of my mouth came the words "anything you can give me". She quickly informed me that all I could have "at this point" was an epidural and if I wanted that we needed to get the anesthesiologist up IMMEDIATELY. I nodded that I wanted the epidural, NOW. So he was paged. Although I had planned to try this process without medications, I was getting so violently ill more and more frequently that I decided I wanted to enjoy seeing my baby and not have to be puking every 30 seconds. I think that's fair.
The anesthesiologist was in my room within 5 minutes. They sent Adam away and left me with just the Doctor and the Nurse to deal with this huge catheter about to be placed in my back. It actually wasn't bad at all. A contraction kicked in as soon as he started injecting, so I was more focused on that and staying still than any pain. The whole process was very smooth and not painful at all. The only thing I felt was the chill of the medication as he injected it. Then I got to lay back down and the nurse checked to make sure the epidural had taken effect, and it hadn't. So of course I freaked out thinking that I was going to have to puke between pushes, but luckily within another 3 minutes I was numb. I still had yet to understand just how close I was to my baby.

Adam came back into the room, and I asked him if he had gotten the camera from the car. Of course he hadn't, and the nurse (in shock that he didn't understand how close delivery was) told him to RUN and get the camera from the car. I somehow managed to squeek out "and grab a hair tie!". I could see the look of urgency on the nurse's face and suddenly realized this wasn't going to be an all-day process. But I still don't think I understood just how urgent. I had planned to put on makeup, pull up my hair, and prepared myself for hours of pushing. I still thought I had a couple hours to go.
While Adam fetched the camera, another swarm of people came into the room. There was a table wheeled in and my midwife informed me she was going to break my water and that as soon as that happened we would probably have a baby very shortly. Very shortly still meant at least an hour to me. No sooner had Adam returned, camera and hair tie in hand, than Mary Ann (my wonderful midwife) broke my water and immediately starting getting gowned up. About 60 seconds later I whispered to the closest nurse that I was pretty sure I was going to use the bathroom on the table. She calmly stated "Oh no, honey, that's not what that is." I thought, Ok, but you really should probably help me to the bathroom real quick woman...I've got some serious pressure going on down there...
Before I could even finish that thought, my stomach did this awkward knotting up thing. Mary Ann looked over and said "It's ok, go ahead and let yourself push". Push?! That's what that was? I didn't push! My stomach pushed! She was immediately at the foot of my bed. Adam was in his designated chair in the corner, not saying a word. I completely forgot he was even in the room! Poor guy. Mary Ann asked him if he wanted to watch or take pictures and he apparently declined. Fine by me, I don't feel like he should be scarred by all that anyway! Mary Ann had these goggles on, like the ones we used to wear in chemistry class. In the reflection, I could see that there was a head...A HEAD! I was too shocked to even understand what was going on. I've watched TLC. I know that you are supposed to be pushing and screaming for hours before you see a head, and there was a head. All I could think to say was "Is that hair I see on that head?" Mary Ann laughed and said "Yup, she's got dark hair! Do you want to feel her?" "No, I can feel her just fine, thanks". Lol. Needless to say I was shocked, and definitely not all there. At 10:44 am, two pushes (in the same contraction, so about 20 seconds) and a shocked momma later, I had my wonderful baby girl on my chest.
I felt only pressure, no pain except that I did tear and I felt that (ow). The worst part of the entire delivery wasn't even the delivery, it was being stitched up afterward. And I had my little princess on my chest so I didn't even mind too much. I was too shocked that she was there that quick and easy. Disgusting, but easy. She was wiped down right there on my chest. Somehow they managed to slip a diaper on her without even taking her off my chest. I got to keep her there, completely content, for 2 hours. They finished up asking me everything they were supposed to ask beforehand and left us alone. It was so surreal! Just five and a half hours ago I was sleeping peacefully and now I had my wonderful little girl.

Labor and delivery isn't pretty. And it just goes to show that you can go in there with a plan and all of that can change once you get the process rolling. K Jo came on her own time in her own way, and once she decided she was coming she came QUICK! The nurses even chastised me for waiting too long! When I told them I hadn't waited at all they told me that with my next baby I need to come as soon as I feel the first contraction so that I make it to the hospital. If my water had broken at home, I certainly would not have made it. I'm so grateful for a 7 lb 8 oz healthy baby girl, and so happy that I had a WONDERFUL hospital staff that kept me calm and completely, blissfully oblivious to what was going on. All in all, I wouldn't change a single thing about my labor and delivery.

Pregnancy

I read all the books. Watched all the shows. But I was not prepared for what was about to happen to my poor body. Everything indicated this experience was going to be a beautiful miracle...the outcome is a beautiful little miracle...the process is freaking gross.
I hope other women have better experiences than I did. Some people love pregnancy, but I hated it. Starting at about 6 weeks I was SOOOO sick. Not just morning sickness, breathing sickness. If I was conscious, I felt like hell. There was no food that I could even think about without wanting to barf. And there was no medication that would calm my poor stomach. I spent 10 weeks losing weight instead of gaining and sucking constantly on Jolly Ranchers just to keep a half tolerable taste in my mouth. First Trimester: TERRIBLE.
Second trimester was ok. I made up for all the weight loss of the first trimester by eating everything in sight during the second. Everything I saw on TV looked good, and if I didn't have it in the house I would go on adventures to find it. I drove an hour for Krispy Kreme donuts (totally necessary) and scoured out a place that served fresh warm delicious funnel cakes. Nom. But then came the swollen feet and extreme exhaustion. Working 45 hours a week on your feet being pregnant is NOT fun. Not to mention the leaky boobs, hints of stretch marks, and potty...erm...issues. Gross. Lets not forget you've somehow got to get upwards of 64 oz. of water down your throat every day. So I kept myself slightly distracted with making K Jo's bedding and ordering absolutely everything we would need. On the down side, it was completely disgusting, but on the upside, little K Jo started moving ALL the time, and my bump actually became more than just a beer gut, so that was fun.
Third Trimester. Misery. NOTHING fit anymore. Not my shoes, not my shirts...nothing. Even maternity clothes eventually became too small. I'll never forget trying to get ready to go to the hospital. I went to put on some cute overalls I got at Motherhood Maternity that I saved for my most whale-like days and it didn't fit. I was huge. Simply standing I would get out of breath. My swollen feet never returned to normal size, whether I put them up or not. I couldn't eat much because there simply wasn't room in my stomach. Everything was squished. And forget sleeping at night. I obviously couldn't sleep on my belly, and if I tried sleeping on either side my stomach moved so far to that side that the opposite side hurt. Forget sleeping flat on your back cuz then you can't breathe. So enter MASSIVE amounts of pillows and constant tossing and turning. Yay. And then add in the fact that everyone is placing bets on when you will have the baby, getting you excited that just maybe the little one will make an appearance late enough that she won't have health problems but earlier than your due date...but no. I went all the way to the end. And I thought I was going to walk my feet down to bloody nubs I walked so much trying to get her out! I felt her flip at 32 weeks so I was CONVINCED she was coming earlier than 40 weeks, but she just kept getting lower and lower and not coming out. It got to the point that I was certain I was just going to sit on her head one day. She was SO uncomfortably low. Add in false labor and its just icing on the cake. I would contract every 2 minutes for HOURS, then get up and get ready to go to the hospital and they would stop. Fun stuff. But I kept working to stay busy (thank goodness for that, or I would have lost my mind) and that seemed to pass the time.

My doctor's office had my due date as April 30th. I was fairly certain it was actually May 5th (I'm VERY in-tune with my body). I had an appointment April 29th, at which point they checked to see if I had dilated anymore. I had dilated to 3 cm and the midwife informed me I was contracting (I couldn't feel it) and she would be surprised if I made it through the night without having this baby. She told me to go walk for an hour at the mall (close to the hospital) then go in. Stubborn as I am, I went home and walked on the beach for an hour, felt nothing, and went home. So of course April 30th came and went. No contractions (that I could feel) or any noticeable change whatsoever. Then on May 2nd I woke up and had breakfast and realized, after 2 hours, I hadn't felt Kaelyn move at all. I FREAKED out and called my doctor, who freaked out and told me to come in IMMEDIATELY. So we loaded up and drove the 45 minutes to the doctor. As soon as they put the monitors on, K Jo started kicking. Thank goodness! I was so relieved. But then I became angry when the doctor didn't even check to see if I had progressed! I was 3 cm on Friday and all she had to say was "We'll see you Wednesday when we induce." Awesome. I gave up and figured K Jo wasn't coming out by herself, she was going to need some medical intervention. I settled in and waited for Wednesday morning. Still huge, still waddling, and still miserable.
So I'm overjoyed for people who have wonderful pregnancies. Those must be the people who have multitudes of children. But I did not enjoy it. There were probably a handful of times I was happy and comfortable, but for the majority, nope. Between the body changes, practically living in the bathroom, and giving up your body to a baby who takes everything you have, it just wasn't fun. Don't get me wrong, I was overjoyed to BE pregnant, I just didn't enjoy the whole process. I hear that being pregnant with a boy is alot easier, so I'm hoping that maybe the next one will be a boy and will make me forget all about how scarring this experience was. Here's to hoping...