I Declined an Epidural

I'm not sure if this will help anyone or not. But I'm going to put it out there anyway for all those Mommies who can't decide if an epidural is right for them or not. Here is the story of my two deliveries. With my first, I opted for an epidural. My second I chose no epidural. I don't regret either decision, nor will I feel guilty about either of my choices! I hope this gives you something to think about!

My mindset going into my first delivery was NOT to have a birthplan. I was prepared for anything and everything to happen. I knew that if I set a birthplan, all hell would break loose and I would become upset if any little thing strayed from the plan.
That being said, I always said I wanted to "try" to go without an epidural, but wasn't going to feel bad if I couldn't.
I woke up at 5:26 am with contractions that were 2 minutes apart. Being an expert on childbirth (I watch TLC "A Baby Story" all the time... expert status! lol), I decided to get in the shower and see if they stayed consistent or went away-I was ready for the long labor, trying to walk the baby out and pushing for hours. When my husband came to check on me a bit later the contractions were still coming 2 minutes apart, but they were also tolerable. No biggie.
I took my time getting dressed. I may have even dried my hair, I don't remember. We left the house for the hospital and I started vomiting with each contraction. EW. I hate vomiting worse than anything. By the time we got to the hospital I was STILL vomiting with each contraction.
Long story short it took FOREVER for them to come in the room and check me, but once they did my room became a circus. I was dilated to 8 cm. I was still vomiting with each contraction when the Midwife looked at me and said "What's your plan for pain???"... Um... "What are my options?"...."At this point? Epidural." ... "Give it to me"
I just wanted to stop vomiting. The pain was still tolerable. But in my mind, if I didn't get the epidural I would be too busy puking all over the place to see or hold my baby, or worse I would puke on her. I know it sounds crazy, but those are the thoughts of a laboring woman.
Getting the epidural was a piece of cake. It hurt, don't get me wrong, but I was contracting the entire time so I was more focused on getting through the contraction and staying still than the pain of the epidural.
It took a few minutes for the epidural to kick in, and about 15 seconds after it kicked in I felt like I needed to poop. If you've had a baby, you know what I'm talking about. If you haven't, believe me. You are going to feel like you have to poop. I told my nurse I needed to go to the bathroom. That was the only sensation I had. No pain. Just pressure like I was about to embarrass myself in front of a complete stranger and my husband. She simply said "Oh, honey, that's not what that is" and pressed a magic button that made every staff member on the floor suddenly rush into my room for delivery.
Literally within a minute my daughter was born at 10:44 am. I never made a conscious effort to push. My stomach just knotted up and did the work for me. There was a *slight* burning sensation, but mostly all I felt was pressure.
The most painful part of my first delivery was actually AFTER delivery when I had to be stitched. 6 stitches. Worst pain of my life up until that point. THAT was awful. Thanks to the epidural, my actual delivery was relatively pain free.
Recovery on the other hand was not fun. My legs were numb for quite some time. I was VERY very sore for I don't know how long afterwards. I needed help in and out of bed and didn't have the energy to shower until the second day after delivery. I thought all of these things were just normal after having had a baby. I didn't know the difference... until 5 days ago (almost 2 years after my first delivery)


If you noticed the two times I mentioned above, my first delivery was only 5 hours from start to finish. It was very quick. I spent very little time in the hospital. It was NOT the hours of walking and pushing and pain that I was prepared for courtesy of "Reality" TV. It was beautiful and an amazing experience, but not what I expected.
Because my labor was so quick, my doctor this time around prepared me from the get go that I might not be able to get an epidural. I just mentally prepared myself for a very fast, painful labor. I actually prepared myself for a slow painful labor, because that would be my luck.
With this delivery, I was admitted at 35 weeks 5 days in an attempt to stop contractions overnight. It didn't work. The next morning at 7 am I was dilated to 7 cm. My water was broken and I was asked if I wanted an epidural. "I'm going to try to go without, but no promises"... brave, brave soul.
I did go without. I didn't have a choice. I may have had a choice earlier, but there was only 15 minutes or so between when I started feeling really intense contractions and when I delivered. It was FAST.
With this delivery I also felt pressure, but it wasn't like I needed to poop. I began to feel it about 15 minutes before I delivered. With every contraction, I could feel my son's head moving down and my pelvis spreading. It is the weirdest, most painful feeling. OK, not the MOST painful of the whole experience, but it hurt.
As I was being wheeled into the delivery room I got a whole new sensation. Burning, MASSIVE pressure. WAY more than needing to poop. It was more like having a huge, uncomfortable mass tearing open your vagina and the harder you pushed the faster it would be over. At least that's how I felt. I was being TOLD not to push, but my body disagreed and pushed anyway. It was completely involuntary just like the first time. The massive burning and pressure continued even as the nurse said "OK, head's out"... I did NOT feel his head come out. I could not tell the difference. I did feel a massive release of pressure as the rest of his body came out.
That was the best feeling in the world. As SOON as his body was out, I was no longer in pain. I was exhausted. My heart was beating a mile a minute. But I wasn't in pain. And I hadn't torn (YAY!)
As far as recovery, this time around was SIMPLE. I immediately felt like I could get up and move around. I was a little sore, of course. If I laid down for too long I got stiff. But recovery was a breeze. It's now four days after delivery and if I hadn't been there I wouldn't believe I had a baby just 4 days ago. I feel normal. Of course I'm bleeding, but that's about it. Easy easy easy.

I feel like I need to reiterate how FAST my deliveries were. Both times my kids were out within a single contraction. There was no "push for 10 seconds". There was no voluntary pushing at all. Both times I was urged to STOP pushing. If you have long labors, this whole post was probably a waste of your time. But maybe not.
The major differences between having an epidural vs. not having one are obviously the amount of pain you are willing to tolerate and (in my opinion) recovery time. My next delivery I will once again decline an epidural. The few minutes of intense pain is worth it to be able to recover so quickly. Not to mention the pride in knowing what you just accomplished all by yourself.
The body is an amazing thing. Modern medicine is also amazing. You can  pretty much have the birth experience you desire (as long as everything goes smoothly). I hope this post helped someone in their decision, or maybe informed you a little bit more about what to expect! I know that no 2 births are the same. All I can do is share my experiences and hope they help you in some way or another!
Happy pushing!